Assalammualaikum w.b.t
Alhamdulillah,segala puji untuk-Nya yang memberiku peluang bernafas sehari lagi di atas muka bumi-Nya.
my English is already bad initially. but staying in France, a 'strictly refused-English-speaking country' is not helping me at all. so, please excuse all the grammar/bizarre/vocab mistake, eh? and sometimes, I use rojak English. soooo not good.
since school re-opened on September, it has been about more than 5 times i was obliged to stay up till late at night to finish some reports. last minute work? no baby, no. i'm a bit far from the kind.
i know, i shouldn't be complaining here as i just know, it's not a different story whether you are in Malaysia or France or wherever. (instead, now, i could just continue doing my third report for the week. but gimme a break.)
yes, being an oversea student is like a dream come true to certain people. why, i once wonder. maybe because we are created by God to be very envious toward differences. but i'm guessing, mostly, the reason is about having 4 seasons in a year that makes these non-Asian countries tempting. no? i have no idea at all.
as some of you might know, after obtaining 'boleh tahan' result in SPM (i'm not a straight A's student, mind you. but it was enough for an engineering course. heh heh.), there was a so-called important moment where choice need to be done. at 18 years old, i was in the middle of a conflict (i called it as future-crisis and yes it sounds so poyo. hahaha.) to choose between two scholarship offers. it may look simple but it's not : it's about deciding how/where you want to spent your adolescent period, a critique period because that is when you grow up. and finally, as everyone said, God must have His reason, to bring France to me and not Tronoh.
i must admit that there is a lot lot lot of things i have learned here. (besides, i am still learning.) i guess i can be proud of myself for the achievements i've made until today. little achievements though but never mind. insyaAllah, I handle basic things quite well ; household chores (hehe), financial, etc. bonus : communicating in french fluently, involving with Malaysian student board is the best experience, integrating with french people at school or at work increase your knowledge then improving your mind perspective in a way and the fact not being in Malaysia, you could see Malaysia in a whole lot different dimension.
but most of all, it concerns the religion, my dearest, Islam. to be in a non-Islamic country, you only have two path : deepen the faith or loosen the faith. but let's not talk about this today just yet.
so, based on all the good things listed above, i must be laying on the clouds, aren't I?
NO.
haven't you heard, the proverb, 'behind every laugh, there's a cry'? never? of course, because i just created it a second ago. ok ok, seriously, French wise once said, 'tel qui rit vendredi dimanche pleurera', means, he who laughs on Friday will cry on Sunday (ish, what a pessimist person this French wise? hehe.) so, dear friends, life is not a bed of roses.
it was satu muharram yesterday. scrolling on Facebook, seeing so many wedding pictures, although some are not my friend's but with 'Facebook technology', when a friend of yours commented/tagged on his/her friend's pic, you too could view it, (what a harmony world, isn't it?), my heart clenched.
no. it's not that i want to get married now. but, i just can't believe myself that i actually cried seeing these happy pictures. plus, it was 1 am in the morning and i was still up, juggling with my programming lab report.
so this is the point i'm getting at. i want you to know, i might seem alright and just fine, being here. but, there were some moments, i would really give a long thought, back to my life and i just knew, that i had missed so many important moments of my precious people around me. i am not present beside them, to watch, to whisper how much i'm happy for their happiness while hugging them tightly, or even to smile, to let them know, 'kawan, aku gembira untuk kau.'
but instead, i am thousand miles away, not sleeping very well with piles of work, putting triple efforts to comprehend all the subjects in French, in a cold weather with dry skin, having problem to perform solat publicly, go out to school before sun comes out and arrives back home after isya' and alone in my little studio.
and i cried even harder, when all these thoughts of my friends, of my 'French life', brought me back to my family. my everything. and then, i realized that i miss them so much. i had actually missed them for about 11 years, since the day i went to boarding school when i was 13 years old until today. i never really had my everyday beside them, just to talk to them, just to tell how was my day or just to see they laugh over silly jokes. and i was so glad that i made the decision to come back to Malaysia last April, even it was just for 5 months.
so tell me, would i have enough time to compensate this temps perdus?
pause.
because life is too short. Allah might take our life in a minute later or in our sleep tonight or tomorrow, we never know. sometimes, i would think, life is unfair. and i would ask, why me? why it has to be me? but i always know, Allah is always fair, He is the best Judge, Maha Adil.
astargfirullah. so be grateful of what you have. 'jangan fikir jauh sangat, bendanya ada dekat je dengan kita.' someone very dear to me said that. it's true. don't think too far away, or too high, without noticing the real priority, because at last, you might end up being so far and up, but with full of regrets.
bonne continuation. wallahualam.
p/s : i can't believe i'm using Wordreference.com to translate some english words from french for this entry. the toughest entry so far, my emotions varies from nonchalant, happy and suddenly i end it with tears.
Alhamdulillah,segala puji untuk-Nya yang memberiku peluang bernafas sehari lagi di atas muka bumi-Nya.
my English is already bad initially. but staying in France, a 'strictly refused-English-speaking country' is not helping me at all. so, please excuse all the grammar/bizarre/vocab mistake, eh? and sometimes, I use rojak English. soooo not good.
since school re-opened on September, it has been about more than 5 times i was obliged to stay up till late at night to finish some reports. last minute work? no baby, no. i'm a bit far from the kind.
i know, i shouldn't be complaining here as i just know, it's not a different story whether you are in Malaysia or France or wherever. (instead, now, i could just continue doing my third report for the week. but gimme a break.)
yes, being an oversea student is like a dream come true to certain people. why, i once wonder. maybe because we are created by God to be very envious toward differences. but i'm guessing, mostly, the reason is about having 4 seasons in a year that makes these non-Asian countries tempting. no? i have no idea at all.
as some of you might know, after obtaining 'boleh tahan' result in SPM (i'm not a straight A's student, mind you. but it was enough for an engineering course. heh heh.), there was a so-called important moment where choice need to be done. at 18 years old, i was in the middle of a conflict (i called it as future-crisis and yes it sounds so poyo. hahaha.) to choose between two scholarship offers. it may look simple but it's not : it's about deciding how/where you want to spent your adolescent period, a critique period because that is when you grow up. and finally, as everyone said, God must have His reason, to bring France to me and not Tronoh.
i must admit that there is a lot lot lot of things i have learned here. (besides, i am still learning.) i guess i can be proud of myself for the achievements i've made until today. little achievements though but never mind. insyaAllah, I handle basic things quite well ; household chores (hehe), financial, etc. bonus : communicating in french fluently, involving with Malaysian student board is the best experience, integrating with french people at school or at work increase your knowledge then improving your mind perspective in a way and the fact not being in Malaysia, you could see Malaysia in a whole lot different dimension.
but most of all, it concerns the religion, my dearest, Islam. to be in a non-Islamic country, you only have two path : deepen the faith or loosen the faith. but let's not talk about this today just yet.
so, based on all the good things listed above, i must be laying on the clouds, aren't I?
NO.
haven't you heard, the proverb, 'behind every laugh, there's a cry'? never? of course, because i just created it a second ago. ok ok, seriously, French wise once said, 'tel qui rit vendredi dimanche pleurera', means, he who laughs on Friday will cry on Sunday (ish, what a pessimist person this French wise? hehe.) so, dear friends, life is not a bed of roses.
it was satu muharram yesterday. scrolling on Facebook, seeing so many wedding pictures, although some are not my friend's but with 'Facebook technology', when a friend of yours commented/tagged on his/her friend's pic, you too could view it, (what a harmony world, isn't it?), my heart clenched.
no. it's not that i want to get married now. but, i just can't believe myself that i actually cried seeing these happy pictures. plus, it was 1 am in the morning and i was still up, juggling with my programming lab report.
so this is the point i'm getting at. i want you to know, i might seem alright and just fine, being here. but, there were some moments, i would really give a long thought, back to my life and i just knew, that i had missed so many important moments of my precious people around me. i am not present beside them, to watch, to whisper how much i'm happy for their happiness while hugging them tightly, or even to smile, to let them know, 'kawan, aku gembira untuk kau.'
but instead, i am thousand miles away, not sleeping very well with piles of work, putting triple efforts to comprehend all the subjects in French, in a cold weather with dry skin, having problem to perform solat publicly, go out to school before sun comes out and arrives back home after isya' and alone in my little studio.
and i cried even harder, when all these thoughts of my friends, of my 'French life', brought me back to my family. my everything. and then, i realized that i miss them so much. i had actually missed them for about 11 years, since the day i went to boarding school when i was 13 years old until today. i never really had my everyday beside them, just to talk to them, just to tell how was my day or just to see they laugh over silly jokes. and i was so glad that i made the decision to come back to Malaysia last April, even it was just for 5 months.
so tell me, would i have enough time to compensate this temps perdus?
pause.
because life is too short. Allah might take our life in a minute later or in our sleep tonight or tomorrow, we never know. sometimes, i would think, life is unfair. and i would ask, why me? why it has to be me? but i always know, Allah is always fair, He is the best Judge, Maha Adil.
astargfirullah. so be grateful of what you have. 'jangan fikir jauh sangat, bendanya ada dekat je dengan kita.' someone very dear to me said that. it's true. don't think too far away, or too high, without noticing the real priority, because at last, you might end up being so far and up, but with full of regrets.
bonne continuation. wallahualam.
p/s : i can't believe i'm using Wordreference.com to translate some english words from french for this entry. the toughest entry so far, my emotions varies from nonchalant, happy and suddenly i end it with tears.
