I guess, he's confused.

Assalammualaikum w.b.t

Alhamdulillah,segala puji untuk-Nya yang memberiku peluang bernafas sehari lagi di atas muka bumi-Nya.

it was one o'clock sharp in the morning when I glanced to my laptop's clock. we were still up, keep on talking on the phone about whatever it was I don't really remember but I remember being a bit furious at him.

sometimes people tend to precipitate things, doing things without reflexions and doesn't make efforts to really comprehend what they really needs. all these - when emotions get in the way. or disappointment.

and sometimes, people search for the courages from any sort of things around him. but most of the times, from arrangement of words. it is not like they don't know what they are supposed to do, but they need someone else to say it to his face, as if it will reassure him. and in case, later, if he'll be doomed by the decision, he can always say to himself : 'this is not my decision alone. yes, I've made it but John told me the same thing.'

and so he feel less culprit. less guilty.

but please, I'm not saying that asking opinion to people around us is wrong. au contraire. we need communication. a husband making any decision without discussing with her wife (and vice versa) will not help their marriage to stay serene.

in this situation of my friend here, I just know what he really wants to do, but I think, he doesn't have the guts because he is scared to hurt people around him. but he is very well aware, the situation is not getting any better if he keep up with this. things will get worse. he wanted to hear a 'yes' or a 'no' from me. I'm pretty sure if I would say 'no! stop it already. it's not good. you're lying to her!', he would immediately stop it without hesitation.

but no mate, I'm not going to take any decision for you, nor I'm going to 'help' you to choose. I'm being a very 'good' friend to him by saying things like 'I think you should stop, BUT... ohh poor this person that person'. and he would keep quiet, listening very attentively to what I'm going to say. but when I said, 'no, you should continue.' and this time no 'but' from me, suddenly he was making like one thousand excuses.  

isnt it obvious?

we had the conversation on the matter many many times, I tell you. but he never comes to any conclusion. I have always been very straight forward to him. I think, I have never been more straight forward to any other people like I do to him. I dont know why but I think it's in him. it's not just me who can confide almost everything to him. some of my friends (his too, we have the same circle of friends) thought the same. (we're not in romantic relationship, anyway)

as much as I feel sorry for the girl, I feel more sorry to him. and I am sorry that I cant help him much. a listener is all I can be. I cant solve his problem. I hope he'll finally get his mind clear and do what's best for him and people around him. I hope he'll stop lying to himself. I hope he would find the courage and start to bravely take the decision. 

I hope he'll stop living with ghost memories.

I hope too, he would see that the truth is vital, that it is much much better being hurt by truth than being happy by lies.     

and I hope he'll finally understand that most of the time, behind ultime happiness, we cant avoid hurting somebody we care but not necessarily in love, purposely or accidentally, then feel at fault for this somebody and soon after, need to put it aside and keep walking. 

because life is not waiting for us. life is not compassionate at all. Allah is.